I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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