his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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