i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
