yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
