i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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