I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Couch. On fire.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
