I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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