Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
