I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
