I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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