I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Houston, we have a blender
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
