did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
