i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
