she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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