make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
