i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
