I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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