you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
