There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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