I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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