I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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