Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
