Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
