honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
