your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
