I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
