I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
