Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
