So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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