No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
