My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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