I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
