He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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