How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Too much gin, very little bucket
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
