This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
