At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
