He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
