i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
