I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
