She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
