Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
