Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
