4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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