Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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