Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
