glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
