I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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