Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
