you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
