I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
