the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
