I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize