The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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