you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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