im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
