Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
