I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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