I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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