fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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