Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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