I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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