I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
