First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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