I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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