community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
