This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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