My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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